Safs answer to making the world more beautiful

Safs answer to making the world more beautiful

Life is too short and we should make it nicer. There should only be nice people in it and not ebayers that send rude messages just because I describe a shirt as with the exact colour. He has a fit and says “denim blue is not an official colour, nor is battleship grey or post office red. He says that if he got a shirt described as battleship grey and it wasn’t made of battleships then its false advertising.
Apparently as I told him I’m very sorry but you can return for a full refund including postage then I am now a neurotic, nasty woman who needs help and should be locked up. This is a little nicer than the customer 2 years ago who didn’t read the description properly and suggested that I had 6 children all by 7 different fathers (work that one out), sat on my fat arse eating chocolate all day and took it up the bum!! (Well at least there was a compliment in there.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words, well words will hurt me deeply and for longer, making mental and cause me a great deal of psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and possible snappiness to all my family. So please if you are an ebay member with an IQ of an amoeba, not happy with your 10p bargain then please throw a stone and be done with it.

So yes we all need to be more beautiful both on the outside and inside

Why do people put such emphasis on silly quotes like beauty is only skin-deep? That's deep enough. What do you want, all your internal organs to be colour co-ordinated with pretty purple bows on? (Actually I’d quite like that) Wouldn’t that make surgeons enjoy their work more? Would be really exciting cutting someone open to see if they have a Laura Ashley Liver or just a Primark Pancreas. May be difficult if they need a transplant though...criteria...rhesus negative blood, good condition, purple or coordinating colours only!!
Always remember that true beauty comes from within — from within bottles, jars, compacts, and tubes--


I do have a great idea for war...a giant paintball game. ...or laughing gas or shooting sweeties at each other dressed as clowns.

You could have the two sides different colour paint balls, the ones who get hit the most lose. Would be much safer and cheaper and would be a laugh too. I think I may write to Obama as he obviously hasn’t thought of such a great idea yet.
Can you imagine...suicide bomber with 100kg of Semtex strapped to him, sweating and chuntering quotes from the Koran or whatever it is, one of our men going up to them and saying ..”Why don’t you have a sweetie and join in the paintball game instead of dying?” May have to make it chocolate for the women suicide bombers and then it can’t fail.
Clearing up a load of sick though overeating of sweeties and chocolate, the laundering of uniforms with red and blue paint on is all more appealing than wading through entrails and writing badly spelt and written letters to the poor families of loved ones killed in action.

Then we could all give each other flowers and cuddles, shake hands, say sorry I was wrong you were right, let’s all live...sorted!!!!

Saffy for president.

Random ramblings of randomness

random ramblings of randomness

Watched airline last night in middle of night and man got stroppy cause another man was standing near a fire exit. Why do people ask you to move if you are standing in front of a fire exit? Do they think that in the event of a fire you would just stand there? Look if i have legs and im flammable then im pretty sure should a fire break out that i will certainly not be stood still blocking the fire exit

Then a vegetarian lady was eating a chicken sandwich!!! HOW? She is NOT vegetarian lying bitch.



.I AM however a vegetarian and i now do not eat Worcester sauce.
I am not a vegetarian just because I love animals I am a vegetarian because I hate vegetables and so i feel the need to chop them up so they don’t take over the world. I thought i was vegetarian till i realised Worcester sauce had anchovies in. They are a fish!!! I only have a splash (or had) about once a year but even so, ive been living a secret life, telling fibs to people when they ask if i am a strict vegetarian. .... oh and if your reading this and thinking “yeah but vegetarians can eat fish..oh and chicken! Please go and chop your own head off with a rusty butter knife and roast it on gas mark 4 for 3 hours...NOOOOO NOO YOU CANT EAT FISH OR CHICKEN AND BE A REAL VEGETARIAN..if you did then you would NOT be a vegetarian. This is my pet hate..Dead animals and dead things are cute and not to be eaten. If you do eat them please don’t then pretend to care and say your a Vegetarian

ME “do you have anything vegetarian on the menu please?”
Waiter “ yes we have tuna bake”
Me “ no im vegetarian i don’t eat meat fish or chicken, do you have anything vegetarian?”
Waiter “ we have chicken in barbeque sauce”
Me “ NO IM VEGETARIAN
Waiter” vegetarians can eat fish and chicken”
ME *removes meat cleaver from handbag*
Waiter “ OOOOOWWW GURGLE THUD”
ME “come on lets go and get a pizza”

While we are onto things tha make me want to chop people up into tiny cubes.... double negatives!! DO NOT use this in front of me unless being sarcastic.
I don’t never hit anyone...this means there isnt a time when you would never hit someone, this means you always hit people.
Im not going to never hurt you...means you will hurt me. Please speak properly or dont speak to me. Or should i say dont not never speak to me..triple negative..ooh the confusion.

Pneumonia and delusions

hat a totally pants week!! Now i'm occasionally coherent I can write my blog again yay.

As title suggests, i have Pneumonia. Im not about to die, although i thought i may have done on several occassions.

Doctor nearly wouldnt come out to me as it was against doctory rules as i wasnt disabled or old (i beg to differ on the old..i was 40 the other week)

I had a temperature you could boil eggs on...well more like poach eggs as i was dripping wet (and not in a good way)

At times i was kinda tripping. Hallucinations of purple rings coming out the picture on the wall were quite frightening in a purple-ring-phobic kinda way.

I have learnt a lot though..things to do without moving a muscle.

1/ count how many cracks , blimishes or bumps on your ceiling (not a good one for me as took hours as we have artex kind of thingy)

2/ count the coals in your fireplace. We have 21 or sometimes 22 depending on if head was straight on looking or slightly to the left.

3/ How many strings on guitar!! Ahha this always stayed the same...6!!! except when there were 36!! (this was at the puple ring stage so not sure if this couned.

4/ Making shapes out of crystals. We have a crystal ball on fireplace (which i cant use yet) This was a really good game untill i saw my nan in it. All very good but she has been dead for 30 something years

5/ Now this is a bit odd and may make me look like a luning ravertick. But it happened so in true blog style it will be documented....

Will try and explain...(also at time of purple ring and 36 string guitar so bear with me) .....

having a kinda form in your head with circular buttons..you press one and a drum sound comes out. You then have to guess from which 80's song the rhythm is from. Now this wasnt a good game as really bad headache and wanted to stop, but if i didnt press the button in my head..my brain would explode and there would be lots of cleaning up to do!!! Plus drum got louder till i pressed damn button. (not recomended for faint hearted)

6/ How far can i walk without dying ..about 3 steps so far but all being well will be up to 6 by end of week.

Anyway you get the gist of why my week was so pants.

I slowly crawled up stairs to get dressed this morning after another night bolt upright on sofa. Sat on bed and sat looking out window to get breath back.

Saw a funny site....

I see this fully grown man. He is eating a sandwich of some sort, possibly a wrap, with one hand, then he starts trying to text message with the other hand. This could be a challenge for anyone while walking, but this man was riding a bike. If you are going to ride a bike on a hill going down towards the duckpond even if it is just by my house, you need at least one hand.

So obviously his plan didn't work so well. Maybe he was trying to update his Facebook status or Twitter page, "got a chicken wrap from Tesco and riding my bike."

But anyway, his front wheel starts to wobble and he has to stop. Then he slaps his handle bars. Like it was his bike's fault for not complying.

"Hey bike. Im eating a wrap. I wanna go to the duck pond or mill farm, I shouldn't have to think about it. You have been a bad bad bike Take it from here. BIKE GO HOME NOW."

I assume that last part was because he thought his bike was voice activated

I was quite dissapointed he didnt fall off. Im rating my laughing out loud on a wheeze scale of how many inhaler puffs of my ventolin it took to get back to normal breathing. Normaly i would have two. This was a 3 puff laugh.

I hate being housebound. I have become one of those reclusive Internet people who run some sort of online website and no one really knows what they do.

Cant even get amourous..as that would be at least a 6 puff count. Cant even kiss as that would send blood pressure up..due to me being married to a lecturer who always seem to be abnormally good at kissing. I think this is because they have to be good at everything they do to degree or above standard!!

Even trumping is bad. As a vegetarian (apart from the slip up with worcestershire sauce..which will be another blog) My trumps are louder than most peoples.

Within the first fifteen minutes of me sitting down and getting my breath back I could feel one about to escape. I then let a fart rip so loudly that I went deaf for several minutes and then had to stop myself getting up to pick up the dishes that had fallen from the cupboards due to the resulting jolt. Ok last bit re the dishes were a small exageration but you get my point.

Daytime tv is crap

Dr. Phil just said, "I don't care if shes setting you on fire, you don't lay your hands on a woman."

If i was a man and any mad bitch tried to set me on fire, I would at least grab you by the shoulders and yell "WHY ARE YOU SETTING ME ON FIRE, YOU CRAZY WOMAN?!" And if at any point you feel I push you too hard, well, that's just the fire talking and I apologize.

So to recap....

1/ doctors are assholes 2/bikes are NOT voice activated 3/ if your wife/friend/any mad woman is about to set you on fire..under no cicumstances lay your hands on her. 4/guitars only have 6 strings (unless bass and it will have 4..oh yeah and unless its a 12 string) but generaly if you own a normal guitar it will have 6 strings. If it gets any more then phone a doc immediately. 5/purple = good purple rings trying to get you = evil 6/If you have pneumonia...dont move , it hurts

Edited Wed 18 Nov 09, 12:57 AM by purple_passion

Tennor lady in association with swine flu

ennor lady in association with swine flu Now thats a very pheasible/pheasable (cant be ar*ed to look in dictionary for correct speelling ) business idea. Every time i cough a little bit of wee tries to escape. Now i say try cause of yet its been unuccesful..due to my pelvic floor muscles working overtime, me having one hand practicaly up my flower(fanny for those less sofisticated lol) and one hand on my stomache. Thinking this is fine but when i venture outside the one hand will have to cover my mouth hence the wee escapologist wins. This is where the tennor lady come in. Everyone over the age of 40 must have these problems. I dont remember having these problems a few eeks (sic)ago when i was 39!! yes i did meen eek as i was mortified that mny brain stopped growing at the age of 16 yet my body defied MY wishes and carried on!! How very dare it!!! I relish the days back when i got asked for id to buy a bottle of wine and moan about it as i would then have to rummage in bag or go home for passport, not i beg it to happen, In tesco i go to self service isle and scan a box or bottle of wine, up flashes waiting for approval and i wait for someone to come over and ask me id. Never happens. They used to come over look at my face and say oh right then key in the key things. Now they can tell from a distance that im old, they just stay comfy at their counter , look across and dont even um and arr. pees me off no end.

Daytime tv

I know realise the reason I work full time!! Daytime tv. It would be more fun to share a bathroom with a narccisistic vampire than sit through a whole day of this drivvel.

Wondering why all the chat shows seem to have a common theme of chavviness. On application forms for these progs do they stipulate must wear one or all of the following to qualify...

1/ shell suit

2/ ring on each finger and 10 million necklases particulary chunky gold chains

3/ roots showing

4/dirty finger and toe nails

5/ vocabulary consisting mainly of innit , know wha i mean, like, white lightening, snakebite, dunno, ugghh ,

I wonder if these chavs know they are chave? Do they go all out to achieve the look? Would they be proud of the term?

I realise in this world of political correctness gone made that i will be horsewhipped and stonned for my thoughts or perhaps even death by 1000 papercuts but ho hum up me bum who cares. Wonder if im chavist? or i might even be subjected the the jedward torture in my last blog. Sitting through performance after performance of those two over cafeinated insepid twins

oops seriously hope im not gonna get karmageddon now. For those of you none pagan It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.

no im not chavist, this is just random taps on my keyboard. a collection of monologues of my thoughts.

While im thinking random stuff, one thing that pops into my mind is when i recently went out, but a lovely hat on, matching everything, felt really classy dressd to impressed and hubby said " aww you look lovely" great i thought , just the effect i was after then he added " really cute like paddington bear" *THUD*

I want to be a vixen an NOT cute

Sunday misery

normally love weekends except this weekend i was ill.

I hate being ill cause my brain still wants to do things that my body is not able to..hmm pretty much like normal days then i guess but more to extreme.

I thought id escaped the badness and evilness of the swine flu. Had it quite mild considering hubby was practicaly bed ridden and so poorly (although hard to judge with him being a man, just how bad it really was)

Had 4 days of feeling tired but semi ok only to be hit down on sat night with the aches and pains and generaly feeling like the end of the world.

Temproarlily had mood lifted when John and edward was in bottom 2. No way will simon save them, he cant understand how they got this far so he wont save them. No way. This is His SINGING competition after all.

Ok tempory raise in mood dashed to the ground pretty quickly when the nob decided to let the public decide !! WTF????? Devestated. Thinking we could hire JEDWARD for bdsm events. Tie all the subs up and and let jedward perform all their songs. Thinking they wouldnt get half way through the first song without all the subs screaming their safe word over and over again and other non sub members of the audience taking overdoses, slashing wrists or just plain jumping through a plate glass window.

Maybe we could tie them up and make them listen to the vt's and their performances..hmm nice thought. Followed by whipping them profusely and somehow forgetting what their safe word was.

Im sure they are very nice boys in their own little cosmic world of their own, but for this world it just doesnt wash with me im afraid.

Really getting into this site now, gets all exciting with the BB coming up and already hae made a very special friend who makes my temperature and heart rate soar!! You know who you are lol

well thats my sunday anyway

fireworks and yahoo

Not fireworks in the sky but on my pc curtesy of yahoo messenger.

Have fun whilst chatting online it says.

Why dont things do as they say on the tin??

I thought..ahh in case i get new friends online that want to chat on yahoo i better install it, that will be fun.......err NOT

Went to web, clicked on download yahoo, says i need a yahoo account, i have a hotmail, i have a business email i dont reaaaaly want another but if thats what i have to do.

Ok purple @yahoo.com NOOO thats been taken, so i put in a dot, a hyphen, try purple-p no all taken. 350000 attempts later i gets my new id.

Great no i start...NOOOO

Confirm your email account..ok, do that. try again...yay signs in the freezes. Little stars all over screen, very pretty but pointless.

Closes all the windows i have open (which i was using inbetween downloading. grrrr

Now im on...click on check cam...no cam attatched..yes there bleep bleep is!!! i can see it, its on my desk, light is on. So install driveres..no drivers found..

The list goes on. I wished id have thought of something more fun to do like cut my own head off with a rusty butterknife whilst whisling god save the queen!! Fantasising about John and edward winning the ex factor or banging my head against the plasterboard wall...all of which would have been slightly more fun than this.

ok feel better now had a moan.

grumble grumble *shuffles off to get a drink*

Daily Blog

I have decided to do a little online diary

Had an excellent days communication , playing message ping pong. Hubby has been singing and playing the guitar on and off whilst ive been kinking...not sure who is the most excited hubby with his new music book thinking hes the next eric clapton (hes been playing for 3 days btw ..hubby not eric) or me and my new online love affair with ic kinda thing lol

ooh just stopped dead by this weird no tunicle zombie staring man on jules holland...wow can he NOT sing, dunno who he is..but now hubby really does sound more like eric lol erm lost my thread now, was going onto another subject till i was sat open mouther looking at the tv thinking if he can get on bbc2 then so can i.

Oh well it will come back to me so will write more tomorrow when i know im actually posting on the right place

Motivated

Today is going to be a great day! I've decided!

I do too much selling craft materials to other people and not as much invitations as i like.

Cardmaking is my passion so I need to be developing my designs and website.

xxxx

Beautiful hand drawn and hand made cards, finished with pearls , 3d paint or swarvoski crystals. This design £4.99

Designer cards

Just been taking some imaginative piccies of my new cards. Love doing wedding cards especially