Pneumonia and delusions

hat a totally pants week!! Now i'm occasionally coherent I can write my blog again yay.

As title suggests, i have Pneumonia. Im not about to die, although i thought i may have done on several occassions.

Doctor nearly wouldnt come out to me as it was against doctory rules as i wasnt disabled or old (i beg to differ on the old..i was 40 the other week)

I had a temperature you could boil eggs on...well more like poach eggs as i was dripping wet (and not in a good way)

At times i was kinda tripping. Hallucinations of purple rings coming out the picture on the wall were quite frightening in a purple-ring-phobic kinda way.

I have learnt a lot though..things to do without moving a muscle.

1/ count how many cracks , blimishes or bumps on your ceiling (not a good one for me as took hours as we have artex kind of thingy)

2/ count the coals in your fireplace. We have 21 or sometimes 22 depending on if head was straight on looking or slightly to the left.

3/ How many strings on guitar!! Ahha this always stayed the same...6!!! except when there were 36!! (this was at the puple ring stage so not sure if this couned.

4/ Making shapes out of crystals. We have a crystal ball on fireplace (which i cant use yet) This was a really good game untill i saw my nan in it. All very good but she has been dead for 30 something years

5/ Now this is a bit odd and may make me look like a luning ravertick. But it happened so in true blog style it will be documented....

Will try and explain...(also at time of purple ring and 36 string guitar so bear with me) .....

having a kinda form in your head with circular buttons..you press one and a drum sound comes out. You then have to guess from which 80's song the rhythm is from. Now this wasnt a good game as really bad headache and wanted to stop, but if i didnt press the button in my head..my brain would explode and there would be lots of cleaning up to do!!! Plus drum got louder till i pressed damn button. (not recomended for faint hearted)

6/ How far can i walk without dying ..about 3 steps so far but all being well will be up to 6 by end of week.

Anyway you get the gist of why my week was so pants.

I slowly crawled up stairs to get dressed this morning after another night bolt upright on sofa. Sat on bed and sat looking out window to get breath back.

Saw a funny site....

I see this fully grown man. He is eating a sandwich of some sort, possibly a wrap, with one hand, then he starts trying to text message with the other hand. This could be a challenge for anyone while walking, but this man was riding a bike. If you are going to ride a bike on a hill going down towards the duckpond even if it is just by my house, you need at least one hand.

So obviously his plan didn't work so well. Maybe he was trying to update his Facebook status or Twitter page, "got a chicken wrap from Tesco and riding my bike."

But anyway, his front wheel starts to wobble and he has to stop. Then he slaps his handle bars. Like it was his bike's fault for not complying.

"Hey bike. Im eating a wrap. I wanna go to the duck pond or mill farm, I shouldn't have to think about it. You have been a bad bad bike Take it from here. BIKE GO HOME NOW."

I assume that last part was because he thought his bike was voice activated

I was quite dissapointed he didnt fall off. Im rating my laughing out loud on a wheeze scale of how many inhaler puffs of my ventolin it took to get back to normal breathing. Normaly i would have two. This was a 3 puff laugh.

I hate being housebound. I have become one of those reclusive Internet people who run some sort of online website and no one really knows what they do.

Cant even get amourous..as that would be at least a 6 puff count. Cant even kiss as that would send blood pressure up..due to me being married to a lecturer who always seem to be abnormally good at kissing. I think this is because they have to be good at everything they do to degree or above standard!!

Even trumping is bad. As a vegetarian (apart from the slip up with worcestershire sauce..which will be another blog) My trumps are louder than most peoples.

Within the first fifteen minutes of me sitting down and getting my breath back I could feel one about to escape. I then let a fart rip so loudly that I went deaf for several minutes and then had to stop myself getting up to pick up the dishes that had fallen from the cupboards due to the resulting jolt. Ok last bit re the dishes were a small exageration but you get my point.

Daytime tv is crap

Dr. Phil just said, "I don't care if shes setting you on fire, you don't lay your hands on a woman."

If i was a man and any mad bitch tried to set me on fire, I would at least grab you by the shoulders and yell "WHY ARE YOU SETTING ME ON FIRE, YOU CRAZY WOMAN?!" And if at any point you feel I push you too hard, well, that's just the fire talking and I apologize.

So to recap....

1/ doctors are assholes 2/bikes are NOT voice activated 3/ if your wife/friend/any mad woman is about to set you on fire..under no cicumstances lay your hands on her. 4/guitars only have 6 strings (unless bass and it will have 4..oh yeah and unless its a 12 string) but generaly if you own a normal guitar it will have 6 strings. If it gets any more then phone a doc immediately. 5/purple = good purple rings trying to get you = evil 6/If you have pneumonia...dont move , it hurts

Edited Wed 18 Nov 09, 12:57 AM by purple_passion