Random ramblings of randomness

random ramblings of randomness

Watched airline last night in middle of night and man got stroppy cause another man was standing near a fire exit. Why do people ask you to move if you are standing in front of a fire exit? Do they think that in the event of a fire you would just stand there? Look if i have legs and im flammable then im pretty sure should a fire break out that i will certainly not be stood still blocking the fire exit

Then a vegetarian lady was eating a chicken sandwich!!! HOW? She is NOT vegetarian lying bitch.



.I AM however a vegetarian and i now do not eat Worcester sauce.
I am not a vegetarian just because I love animals I am a vegetarian because I hate vegetables and so i feel the need to chop them up so they don’t take over the world. I thought i was vegetarian till i realised Worcester sauce had anchovies in. They are a fish!!! I only have a splash (or had) about once a year but even so, ive been living a secret life, telling fibs to people when they ask if i am a strict vegetarian. .... oh and if your reading this and thinking “yeah but vegetarians can eat fish..oh and chicken! Please go and chop your own head off with a rusty butter knife and roast it on gas mark 4 for 3 hours...NOOOOO NOO YOU CANT EAT FISH OR CHICKEN AND BE A REAL VEGETARIAN..if you did then you would NOT be a vegetarian. This is my pet hate..Dead animals and dead things are cute and not to be eaten. If you do eat them please don’t then pretend to care and say your a Vegetarian

ME “do you have anything vegetarian on the menu please?”
Waiter “ yes we have tuna bake”
Me “ no im vegetarian i don’t eat meat fish or chicken, do you have anything vegetarian?”
Waiter “ we have chicken in barbeque sauce”
Me “ NO IM VEGETARIAN
Waiter” vegetarians can eat fish and chicken”
ME *removes meat cleaver from handbag*
Waiter “ OOOOOWWW GURGLE THUD”
ME “come on lets go and get a pizza”

While we are onto things tha make me want to chop people up into tiny cubes.... double negatives!! DO NOT use this in front of me unless being sarcastic.
I don’t never hit anyone...this means there isnt a time when you would never hit someone, this means you always hit people.
Im not going to never hurt you...means you will hurt me. Please speak properly or dont speak to me. Or should i say dont not never speak to me..triple negative..ooh the confusion.